The alt YOGT saga

 I had the amazing privilege a month ago to work in the main kitchen for the whole weekend of Known World Cooks & Bards.  The spoils of war, so to speak, that I got to take home were about four gallons of assorted milk containers that had been opened through the weekend and barely used.  All was fine and dandy, until my refrigerator gave up the smoke and I no longer had frozen milk.  So, why not try to preserve some by turning it into yogurt?

I found this recipe online that basically says to use it the same as cow's milk* with some probiotic starter (I used some Pumpkin Spice kefir I was finishing up), but that you'll want to add some gelatin thickener to get it to set.

 It was, questionable.  But I gave it a chance.  I poured it into a narrower container, stuck it into the Science Fridge, and then poured out the... it isn't whey because this isn't milk... oat water? every couple of days. 

After a week, I was able to condense it from 32 oz to just 10, where it was runny but finally had some semblance of body.  In the interim, I made two more batches of yogurt, this time with my regular condensed milk.  The first version, I added a healthy dose of whipping cream that had also not survived the freezer.  It was interesting?  But I realized there is a maximum amount of milk fat that has an ok mouth feel before you're just sucking on a stick of butter.  I used maybe an ounce left of that for the final batch I made last night, which still came out robust but tolerable.

For breakfast, I put a couple of ounces of the cow yogurt into the oat yogurt, mixed it up, and poured it over my Boo Berry for quite the delightful breakfast.

Takeaways:

- Yes, alternative milk yogurts are decent, but will require a lot of straining.

- No, more fat isn't always the answer.

- I'm going to try equal parts of almond milk and evaporated milk next week and try to find a good balance.

* My basic recipe is to just use a spoon or two of any live culture yogurt (most often than not kefir), mix it in with a can of condensed milk (or is it evaporated?  The one that does not have added sugar), and stick it in the Instant Pot on the standard YOGT setting for 8-12 hours over night, mixing at some point in the middle.  And refrigerate.

Every Vigil Needs Eggs

And this time I think it was only 10 dozen? I learned that the easiest way to combat my ADD is to take pictures as I cook so I can go back and write up recipes, eventually.  So here are the eggs I pickled for Fede for four weeks.  Those with links were inspired by the previous vigil batch.

 

Soy, Beet, Curry, Honey, Beer, Franks, and Chili Garlic

 

For all of the recipes, put 13 hardboiled eggs into a quart sized mason jar, a couple of table spoons of seasonings, and ~ 1 cup of liquid which is half vinegar, half water (or juice or beer). Let sit for four weeks, flipping the jar upsidedown every few days and shaking so that the flavors don't settle.

1) Beer eggs

• Pumpkin Spice
• Everything Bagel Seasoning
• Evil Santa holiday Porter
• Apple Cider Vinegar
  

2) Roman Honey Anise eggs

• Honey
• Minced garlic
• Mustard seeds
• Anise
• ACV
• Water
  

3) Beet eggs

• Can of beets - mince solids, keep juice for water content
• Red pepper flakes
• Ground cinnamon
• Black pepper
• Salt
• ACV
• Water
  

4) Curry eggs

• Curry powder
• Minced garlic
• Mustard powder
• Ground ginger
• Tumeric
• ACV
• Water
  

 

5) Frank's eggs

• Frank's hotsauce
• Everything Bagel Seasoning
• ACV
• Water
   

6) Spicy Chili Crisp eggs

• Lao Gan Ma spicy chili crisp (measure with your heart (or whatever is left at the bottom of the jar))
• ACV
• Water

 

7) Soy eggs - these were only left for one week, since the salt brine likes to disintegrate the proteins in the egg

• Everything Bagel Seasoning
• Red pepper flakes
• Soy sauce
• ACV
• Sesame oil
  

Summer's End and Shoot in the Wildwood/Seven Pearls

The past two weekends have been quite eventful. At Summer's End I was able to help out with my friend Abigail's (Gail Kellogg) vigil, guarding the food from cross-contamination.  I made a fantastic marzipan with her recipe:

• 2 cups almond flour 
• 1 cup granulated sugar 
• 1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons water 
• 1 egg white, lightly beaten (frothy) 
• 1/2 teaspoon orange blossom or rose water 
• Confectioner’s sugar, as needed (about 1.5 cups) 

Bring the sugar & water to a rolling boil, add the almond flour, stirring quickly on low heat, turn egg whites into the pan while hot. Keep stirring 1-2 minutes, add rose water (or other flavoring), stir to combine and turn hot marzipan out onto sugar dusted surface. Knead with a spatula to start, then your hands, adding more confectioner's sugar as necessary until smooth like play dough. Shape by hand or cut into cubes. It will keep in the fridge 2 weeks.

On top of this, I retained a few shifts, I got Peer pressured into soliciting a Pelican (I was going to do it at dinner, anyway), and I helped serve feast.  For as much as I love cooking and eating, serving is by far my favorite role at feast, since it lets me bounce from table to table and socialize with everybody.  And get them drunk.

This past weekend at Seven Pearls/Wildwood I also had a blast retaining and serving feast.  The kitchen left some amenities to be desired, which made the feast appearing to go off without a hitch even more impressive! 

Sunday was a fantastic experience.  I was allowed to attach myself to a team from the Hael for Cast Iron Chef and loved the challenge.  We were given three and a half hours to cook a five course feast for 6-8 judges.  Our great archer Simmonetta got us a 6" cube of venison roast and two 1" thick boneless porkchops. Dagonall the Fool, the team leader, got us the rest of the ingredients from the pantry at the beginning of the challenge.  After that, I spent three hours buried in a 10x15 foot fire pit running a three ring stove.

1) Ricotta with honey, lavender, and fresh figs.

• Mix together, serve with flatbread.

2) Breaded pork chops with chopped apples, onion, and celery.

• Bread the chops and sear with vegetable oil on a hot pan.
• Mix chopped plants and steam as long as possible to achieve an "apple sauce" substitute.

3) Venison stew with pears and root vegetables

• Sear roast, stick with garlic slivers.
• Stew with chopped pears and multicolored carrots.
• Add 2 long pepper cones, 6 cubeb beads, and salt as needed.

4) Armored turnips

• Slice and steam one large turnip as long as possible to get soft.
• Incorporate 4 oz cheddar, garnish with another 4 oz.

5) Indian rice pudding

• Boil 1lb of rice until cooked.
• Add 1 qt butter milk, 2c sugar, 1tbsp lavender, 1 tbsp cinnamon, and clove.

The competition was well fought!  We scored 42/60 points, with first and second place getting 43.6 and 43.  One of the other two tables got a score in the 20s and I don't remember the fifth table, but I'm very happy with how competitive it was.  Everything I tasted was delicious!

Later in court, Barron Ixac of Delftwood designated our venison as the Barron's Choice.  This made me very happy because a) he "doesn't eat red meat" and it still won him over, and 2) I've never cooked venison and I didn't fuck it up!

The last great thing to happen to me was that Elska gave me her Bead Of Inspiration.  I have thoroughly enjoyed this past half year in the SCA and I really hope I can keep going with the same strength once the semester kicks in.

Oh, and I got a proto-ge friendship bracelet that I singed in the fire >.> At least it was cotton?

Sesame seed and soy sauce eggs

• 2 dozen eggs, hard boiled and peeled
• 1/2 cup soy sauce
• 1/2 cup water
• 1 tablespoon ground ginger
• 1 tablespoon sesame seeds
• 1 tablespoon sesame oil
• 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• 1 cup apple cider vinegar

Boil soy sauce, water, and seasonings together.  

Add oil, vinegar, and eggs.  

Bring back up to a boil and split into two quart sized mason jars.

Refrigerate and let pickle for at least a week.

Honey and Anise pickled eggs

2 dozen eggs, hard boiled and peeled
1 teaspoon mustard seed
1 teaspoon anise seed
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1 cup water
1 cup vinegar
1/2 cup honey

Dissolve honey in water and add garlic and seeds, bring to a low boil for half an hour. Add vinegar and eggs and bring back up to temperature. Split into two quart jars and top off with more vinegar if needed.


Based on the article The Ancient History of Deviled Eggs: (emphasis mine)

According to Apicius, a collection of Roman recipes believed to have been compiled sometime between the fourth and fifth century A.D., boiled eggs were traditionally seasoned with oil, wine or broth and served with pepper and laser (which was also known as silphium, a plant driven to extinction by the first century A.D.). Another recipe called for poached eggs to be dressed with soaked pine nuts, lovage (an herb of the parsley family with an anise, celery flavor), pepper, honey, vinegar and broth.

Spicy MoFo Pickled Eggs

3 dozen eggs
4 Cups water
4 Cups distilled white vinegar
1 Tablespoon salt
1 Tablespoon Pickling Spices
1 Tablespoon red pepper flakes
1 Tablespoon dried minced garlic
2 Tablespoons brown mustard seed
1 teaspoon ground mustard
1 teaspoon ground turmeric
1/2 teaspoon hot hungarian paprika
1 Cup pickled jalapeño slices, with brine

Hard boil and peel the eggs (I can't recommend the Instant Pot enough!).  Place in giant glass pickling jar.

Combine all ingredients, bring to a boil, and pour over eggs.  Make sure all the solids make it in in case there is leftover liquid.

Cap, refrigerate, and let pickle for at least a week.

Beer Pickled Eggs

On the recommendation of the tea lady at the Hornwood archery event, I decided to make beer eggs. I started by hard boiling the eggs with an Instant Pot based on the recommendation of my friend Cassie.  They peeled like a dream!  Then I made pickling spice (because I was too lazy to go buy it) and followed this recipe for the actual pickling juice.  This is how I adjusted them for the jars I had that only fit 7 eggs each.  Since you aren't actually drinking the solution, the eggs should still be keto with minimal traces of carbs, but you might want to avoid if you are allergic to wheat.


INGREDIENTS

14 eggs, hard boiled and peeled

1.5 Cups white vinegar
8 oz Budweiser Reserve Copper Lager
1 tablespoon parsley flakes
1 tablespoon pickling spice

PICKLING SPICE

1 tablespoon brown mustard seed
1 teaspoon ground coriander
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1 bay leaf
1 mexican cinnamon stick
3 cloves (the ones you shove in oranges at christmas)
1 tbsp dried minced garlic (because I misread the clove part)
couple of shakes of nutmeg (instead of the allspice)

RECIPE

- Borrow gallon Instant Pot from friend.
- Fill with one layer of eggs (about 15) and 1 cup of water.  Close lid and vapor valve.
- Use EGG setting to hard boil eggs.  It  takes a couple of minutes to reach pressure, then it will count down 5 minutes. Once done, open valve to release steam.
- Place eggs in cold water in fridge to cool.

- Place all spices in grinder and turn into a powder. Place in air tight container. Can be stored for a month, but will lose potency with time.

- Combine vinegar, beer, parsley, and pickling spice in pot on stove and bring to a mild boil and remove from stove.

- Shell eggs, wonder how you have shelled 180 eggs this year without going to jail for murder, and divide into two jars.

- Pour liquid over eggs and try to distribute the solids evenly.

- Lid jars and place in fridge.

- Let pickle for minimum of three days.  If you go longer, flip the jars once a week so top and bottom eggs get better contact with liquid.

Red Beet Eggs, Kelda Edition

RECIPE

2 cans 15oz sliced beets, saving the juices

1/2 cup dried onion

1 tsp red pepper flakes
1 tsp ground black pepper
1 tsp whole cloves (about 30)
1 tsp salt
33 eggs
2-3 cups water
2 cups apple cider vinegar

• Boil and peel 3 dozen eggs. Donate three eggs to science!  Or have them explode in the pot, because one always commits sepuku.

• Combine the juice from the beets and all the spices and bring to a simmer.  Let sit until onions are reconstituted.

• Alternate layers of sliced beets, eggs, and onions in a gallon pickle jar, trying to get a decent distribution.

• Pour remaining onion mixture, water, and vinegar into jar.  Add some water if you need to reach the shoulder.  Flip lightly a few times to get the liquids mixed in.

• Place in a pot of water (on a stand so the jar doesn't touch the bottom) and heat up until egg mixture is almost boiling, with the lid OFF.  Once hot, remove from heat and replace the lid, let cool at room temperature.  This will help create a vacuum seal once it cools down, after which you can store in the pantry or fridge. 

SCHPIEL

What, the recipe at the beginning?  BURN THE WITCH!

Yeah, it pisses me off when I can't find how to make something until scrolling through seventy three pages of memories and pictures.  I can just add them at the end.

Like I recently posted, I've been getting back into the SCA quite a bit and will be feastocrating a vigil this Pennsic for my friend Kelda.  I saw her at Crown Tourney three weeks ago and was complaining that I had hardboiled 90 eggs and very few were eaten at the event because it was so freakishly hot for early May, so I was thinking about pickling them.  Luckily, she said she loves pickled eggs, so now I've made five dozen for her this week!  The last three dozen are in that beet jar, and the first couple went into Pickled Ramp juice that I got from Astrid at Aethelmeark War Practice a couple of weeks ago.  She said she mostly followed this recipe and they were beyond amazing!  Should do a good job with eggs, too.

After complaining to a coworker about peeling them, he suggested I steam the eggs (I normally bake them when in large quantities) and then tumble them in the bowl after they are cold to lightly "bruise the shells".  This apparently makes even the freshest eggs come off very easily.

Salmonella or botulism?

Hopefully neither.

Pennsic, once again, is on the horizon. Having recently bought a car, bought a house, and lost my job means this year will need to be extra cheap.  So I'm canning eggs.

I picked up a case of 7.5 dozen eggs from Sam's Club for $11, 18 pint jars from Ollies for $12, and a gallon of apple cider vinegar for $3. All of the spices and canned beets were already in my pantry, and the jars are reusable, so it's pretty much $15 for an epic amount of portable, shelf stable protein.

In my research, I found everything from canned eggs lasting years in the basement to OMG EVERYTHING WILL KILL YOU, so, whatevs.  I don't plan on them surviving more than a month, so I'm not terribly concerned about over sterilizing everything.

I found a life hack that you can bake eggs at 325F for 30 minutes instead of having to deal with bringing water to a boil and whatnot.  It mostly came out ok!

1. Preheat oven to 325F (or 350F if your oven isn't reliable) while you place eggs into cupcake tins so they don't roll around.  Cook for 30 minutes.

• Normal cupcakes are ok, but mini cupcakes will let you fit twice as many.  My new oven is huge, so I can fit two trays on each rack, for a total of 8 dozen eggs at once.
• Unfortunately, I only had three mini cupcake tins, so I tried using a regular cupcake tin with two eggs in each cup.  Some of these eggs came out with soft spots >.>
• The eggs that were fully cooked had small charred brown spots where they were touching the tins.  It is ok and doesn't affect the rest of the pickling.

2. Pull cooked eggs out of the oven and cool down.

• Placing them in ice water helps the flesh retract from the shell (and keeps you from burning your fingers).

3. Shell eggs and place five in each pint jar.

• Some websites made a huge deal about only using unblemished eggs because pitting and splits are focus points for bacterias THAT WILL KILL YOU.  I don't think I managed to get more than half of them unscathed. 

4. Add spices and vinegar to jars, making sure to cover the eggs completely (because vinegar is a magic barrier, apparently) while leaving enough space at the top of the jar to create a vacuum.  Put lids on jars, leaving the rings loose so air can escape.

5. Put jars in canning pot with enough water to reach the top of the jars and bring to a rolling boil, making sure the contents of the jars are also heating up.  According to the Kuntz Family, who's canning instructions I was following, you want to make sure the contents reach 200F and are kept there for 15 minutes.

6. Use the forceps to pull the jars out. Unscrew the rings to give the jars a final burp, then screw them on tight again. Beware of molten brine shooting out in every direction >.>

7. Let cool on the counter top and await eagerly to hear the lids pop!  Now that the eggs have been pasteurized and sealed in a harsh environment, they should be safe to eat for at least a year if kept in a cool and dark environment.

Now, remember when I said some eggs came out with a soft spot?  You can microwave the peeled egg for 30 seconds to heat it up, but it won't heat enough to cook.  You can heat it up another 15 seconds with no problem, but once it hits 16, there might be a slight boom that blows the microwave door open.  Just so, like, you know.

The fun part will come in two weeks when we eat all of them in camp.  I made four jars with beets and twelve with six different spice combinations.  I will do my best to do a write up of the critique and spice blends when I get back.

[recipe] Brownie Cheesecake Bites

Welp, I made four dozen of these, and they kind of disappeared in one night.  I'm glad I managed to remember to take a picture before we ate the last two!  I made them for Q's birthday and even the non-diety people enjoyed them.  It was such a blast to have Isilzha over and NanoNuki in town again.

BROWNIE BASE

1/2 cup Butter (one stick)

2 oz unsweetened baking chocolate

1 cup almond meal
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
pinch salt
3/4 cup Splenda
2 tbsp vanilla
2 large eggs
1/4 cup chopped nuts (optional)

Melt butter and chocolate in 30 second microwave bursts, or over a water bath.  Mix in all the powders and vanilla, then the eggs once the butter has cooled down enough to not cook them.  Spoon in to mini cupcake tins and flatten down to fill base.  Bake for 5 minutes at 325F.

CHEESECAKE FILLING

1 lb full fat cream cheese (two standard 8 oz boxes)

1/2 cup Splenda

1/4 cup heavy cream

1 tbsp vanilla

2 large eggs

1/4 cup cinnamon (optional)

Beat all together until fluffy and spoon into the prebaked brownie cups.  Bake for 15 minutes at 300F.  Stick in fridge to set, or as long as you can tolerate not burning yourself.

The original recipe from All Day I Dream About Food is written for a 9" buttered springform pan, but cupcakes are always more entertaining ^_^  My other big change was to add the cinnamon.  Of course, this is completely optional, but it made them divine.  And since there is never enough cinnamon for Dan, he made a fantastic sauce to bathe them in.

CINNAMON SAUCE

1/2 cup melted butter

1 tbsp cocoa powder

1 cup Splenda

1 cup cinnamon

Next time I really want to try and make this caramel sauce from Blondie's Paleo and Keto Journey.  I am such a sucker for caramel!

[recipe] Cranberry Muffins

I am so mad at Dave right now.  He asked me to make him cranberry muffins for breakfast with this recipe I found.  The bater was orgasmically good and the muffins are just taunting me.  Do I break keto?  Do I give a flying rat's ass?  THEY SMELL SO GOOD INTERROBANG

Also, I'm fat, and I have to be half naked in a play in four weeks...

[recipe] SF Keto Flax Brownies

I've been playing around with this recipe for Miracle Brownies a few times to completely different results.  They are good, and pretty easy to make.

FIRST ITERATION

When reading the recipe, I realized it asked for three full cups of sweetener, one cup liquid, one stick butter, four eggs, and two cups flax meal.  I was horrified by this amount of sweetener, so I only used one cup of erythritol with some baking splenda mixed in.  Dan loved them, but I couldn't get past how sweet they still were, and the texture of the flax meal reminded me a lot of wheat bran or corn hulls.

SECOND ITERATION

Like most weekends, I woke up wanting to bake something at random, and Dan requested flax brownies again.  We were out or low in a few ingredients, so I substituted.  I only used 1/4 C erythritol total, used extra cocoa powder instead of baker's chocolate, and subbed the last half cup of flax meal with a mixture of hemp and coconut flour.  I frekin loved these!  They had the same texture as the carbomb cupcakes I'd made the week before for Isilza, though a bit dry.  I want to make them like this again but add more cream next time.  There was one tray of mini cupcakes (15 minutes) and one of big cupcakes (20 minutes).  Dan found them not sweet enough.

THIRD ITERATION

This morning followed the same procedure.  This time I had all the ingredients, but the stove was in the dishwasher, so I had to add the baker's chocolate shaved instead of melted.  I upped the sweetener to 1/4 C erythritol and 1/4 C baking splenda, which was a good level of sweet.  Again in one tray of minis and one tray of regular cupcakes, but something made them really fluff up!  Dan loved them and deemed them the best batch.  I didn't like them nearly as much as last month's because they had the hully texture again, but it got better after they cooled.  A lot more fluffy like cake than moist and chewy like a brownie.  There's a bit of tinny aftertaste from the sweetener.

MY IDEAL NEXT ITERATION

I want to keep the sweetener from batch 3, but the solids from batch 2.  Maybe do 1.5 parts cocoa powder and 0.5 parts baker's chocolate, and twice as much cream.

[recipe] GF/SF/Wheat Free Cookies

I really love cookies.  They are one of the easiest things to make!  Especially when I can control myself enough to not eat all of the dough before they are baked. Today I am experimenting with reincorporating quinoa back into my diet, hoping it doesn't completely knock me out of keto.  I started with this Chewy Chocolate Chip recipe from Sacred Lightning as inspiration, and substituted some almond meal like from this Elana's Pantry Primal Gluten Free cookie recipe I devoured a few months ago.  So far, the raw dough is So Good! 

SF/GF/Wheat Free COOKIES 

1.5 c quinoa flour (previously toasted) 

0.75 c almond meal 

0.5 tsp baking soda 

--- 

0.5 c butter (salted is preferred) 

0.5 c coconut oil 

1.5 c baking Splenda 

--- 

1 tsp salt 

2 tsps vanilla extract 

2 eggs 

Preheat oven to 350°F and lay parchment on a cookie sheet. 

Mix flour, meal and soda in a dry bowl and set aside. 

Beat butter, oil and Splenda in mixer until fluffy. Add salt, vanilla and eggs until homogeneous. Incorporate dry ingredients a little at a time. I'm making an emphasis on adding them slowly because I always add them all at once and end up having to scrape them off the ceiling. 

Scoop 1" balls onto cookie sheet, 2" appart, and flatten. The amount of fiber in these cookies will not allow them to spread on their own, which is why the lower level looks straight out of the ice cream scooper.  Bake for ten minutes, give or take. They will not change color and look crispy due to the lack of sugar and wheat, but the outside will dry out and give a nice shell. You might want to wait for the molten core to cool down before eating, but who am I kidding.  Makes about three dozen (if you stop eating all the dough!)

In the spirit of ever improving, I plan on substituting some of the Splenda with soluble fiber to decrease the sweetness, without compromising the bulk.

[recipe] Adventures in Cauliflower Baking

Man, this stuff is amazing!  Cauliflower is a wonderful filler and substitute for flour, potato, and even cream.  The first thing I ever did with cauliflower was to boil it in broth and blend it, making a perfect chicken "cream" soup (the same is good if you use stuff like carrots or zucchini instead).

Today I tried two new recipes:  "pizza" and "brownies".

The pizza was pretty simple.  First you need to "rice" a cup of cauliflower, which means you chop, grate or process the cauliflower into a mince, and stick it in a pan until it cooks through.  About ten minutes.  I did this along with a tbsp of minced garlic and a bit of italian seasonings.  Then you mix it with a cup of grated mozzarella cheese and and egg, spread it on a cookie sheet, and bake at 450F for 15 minutes.  A dry, orange sharp cheddar gives the crunchiest results.

The sauce was even simpler.  I took a small can of V8 and simmered it with some red pepper flakes and black pepper, and then incorporated twice as much grated cheese until well disolved.  Spread this on the crunchy crust, top as desired, and broil for a couple of minutes right under the heat source.

Eat your little heart out!

It really tastes like pizza.  The texture, though, is a bit off.  You don't have the bread or gluten to chew through, but it tastes so good that it doesn't really matter. 

As for the brownies, I love I Breathe... I'm Hungry.  In this installment, she blends a cup of cauliflower pure with a cup of almond flour (we halved it with blended pecans because we ran out), half a cup of coconut flour, half of cacao powder, a cup of almond milk, three eggs, two oz of cream cheese, a stick of butter, two squared of bakers chocolate, and a half tsp of baking powder (with splenda and extracts to taste).  Melt stuff, blend stuff, and mix stuff together, then stick in a 9x9 buttered pan and bake for 35 minutes at 375F.  We wedged some SF chocolate chips and SF peanut butter cups in between

The texture is a bit powderier than your average brownie, but they are still absolutely amazing!  Now, I skipped the syrup and used bakers chocolate instead of Lindt 90%, both of which are not sweetened.  Make sure you compensate the splenda as necessary.  Another cool thing would have been if I used chopped pecans instead of powdered, but I really like my nuts.

Now, these two recipes are probably keto, if not very close to it.  They might be a tad high on the net carbs, but you can always sub in a bit more protein where need be.

I need to stop devouring food before getting pictures of everything.

PS:  These Primal Chocolate Chip Cookies are DA BOMB!  I'm just too lazy to give them their own entry because they didn't even make it through the afternoon.  Almond meal, egg, shortening, baking soda, sweetener, vanilla and chips.

[recipe] Vegan Jelly Donut Cupcakes

One of the wonderful things about roller derby is that we constantly have bake sales, so I get to try out new recipes and force them on people ^_^  And because I'm sick of every bake sale being your typical box mix, full flour and sugar crap, I'm always the weirdo that makes alternative faire.  This week, vegan cupcakes!

Someone shared this wonderful recipe with me from Alicia Silverstone's blog "The Kind Life".  Now, I am violently opposed to PETA and its practices, and was really heartbroken when she decided to be a spokes person for them, but I will give her credit for living consistently and true to her values.

So.  Vegan Jelly Donut Cupcakes.  I could not stop eating the batter!  I mixed up two batches, adding 1/2 C cocoa powder to the second one.  I don't know if this is what made them fluff up so much, or that since I mixed them up second, the vinegar and baking soda hadn't gone flat by the time I stuck them in the oven.  Or it could also be that I used coconut oil in the vanilla batch and crisco in the chocolate...

DRY INGREDIENTS:  Sift together in mixer bowl

1 1/2 C of flour

3/4 tsp. of baking powder

1/2 tsp. of baking soda

1/2 tsp. of salt

1/2 C cocoa powder (optional)

WET INGREDIENTS:  Mix in measuring cup

1 C of soymilk (I used almond milk)

1 tsp. of apple cider vinegar

2 tbsp. of cornstarch

3/4 C of plus 2 tbsp sugar (light brown is nice)

2 tsp. of vanilla

1/3 C of canola oil (I used coconut oil for one, crisco for the other)

1) Preheat the oven to 350F.  Line cupcake tin with paper liners.

2) Start the mixer with the paddle attachment, slowly pouring in the wet ingredients and oils.

3) Once everything is incorporated, scoop batter into paper cups and add fillings.

4) Bake 21-23 minutes, until toothpick comes out clean.

I got a great 1 tbsp ice cream scoop the other day.  It is wonderful for not spilling the batter EVERYWHERE!  Two scoops per cupcake, and significantly better portioning!

FILLINGS: 1/2 tbsp per cupcake

1) Candied ginger:  Fill liner with batter, press ginger into the center.

2) Cinnamon apples:  Chop up an apple (Granny Smith here) and place in a small pot with a bit of water and a lot of cinnamon.  Heat until the apples start to dry out so they don't make the cupcakes soggy.  Press into the center of the batter.

3) Strawberry:  Pit and chop up strawberries and stew in small pot with a little bit of water until they dry out and have a jam-like consistency.  Spoon into center of battered cups.

4) Bananananana:  Slice banana into 1/2" chunks and lightly cook in a dry pan.  Add one scoop of batter to tin, place banana slice in center, add second scoop of batter.  Top with another slice of banana.

5) Peanut butter:  Add one scoop of batter to tin, place small scoop of peanut butter in center, add second scoop of batter.  Top with a couple of peanuts.

6) Cry You American Pansies:  Between the two scoops of batter, add small chunks of Chocolate Abuelita (vegan!) and red pepper flakes.  Top with pepper flakes.

Recipe roundup

Here are a few recipes I have tried recently that I haven't had time to fully fledge out in their own post.

Keto BS+ACVinegar "Cornbread"

This was so good!  It was a crumblier bread, and the almond meal gave it a texture I really liked.  But then again, I'm an extra chunky PB kind of girl.  At first, it had a very strong BS taste straight out of the oven (which didn't stop me from eating), which completely mellowed out after it sweat over night.  A bit of butter on it made it that much more amazing.  I also used my Kitchen Aid mixer instead of a food processor, which might have influenced the texture and lack of BS/V reaction.

Low Carb Creamcheese "Bread"

Another good try.  It took a good hour to bake, though.  The toothpick had come out clean, so I went to flip the pan and the top flopped out.  It had the consistency of a very nice custard, but not solid.  Once I got sick of waiting for it to harden up even more (1:15?), it was worth the wait.  Dan loved this one, but I preferred the "cornbread".  Next time, I'm going to try and blend it more so that the meal is finer.

Real Sugar Bacon Toffee

I'd made this recipe before (completely not keto!), but hadn't gotten it to completely caramelize and harden.  This time, I finally found a candy thermometer!  I mixed in a couple of red pepper flakes, poured into my gingerbread man silicone mold, and topped off with chocolate and almond slivers, in an English Toffee vain.  Many people loved the chocolate on it, but I preferred the pure toffee.  And the kick of the pepper flakes was really nice with the caramel and bacon.

Jello and Protein Powder "Cake"

Yeah, this wasn't all that good.  All you do is mix the protein powder, baking powder, cocoa powder and sweetener and cook in the microwave, then crumble it up and set with sf jello.  Dan absolutely hated it!  I was meh about it.  I still couldn't bring myself to stop eating it, though.  

I eventually want to find some kind of Keto Mug Brownie recipe, since my attempt last week with protein powder, almond meal and egg came out not too different to the jello cake.

Here are some more recipes I'll hopefully try out soon:

LC GF PB and Bacon Bars

LC Cranberry Walnut Cookies

LC Butter Cookies

LC Almond Pancakes
Pumpkin Protein Pancakes

Bacon Caramels (for people that can eat sugar)

[recipe] ALL Of The Awesome SF/keto Nutella-ish Spread

This is calorically dense, and absolutely fantastic! I started wanting to make Nutella, and then went off the deep end. Perfect to have ready for when you get home from the gym and are about to keel over. Should keep you in ketosis, even if you do eat a whole bunch, since it is significantly high in fat.

2 oz bakers chocolate

1 oz heavy cream

1/4 c all natural peanut butter

1/2 c almond meal

1 c macadamia nuts

1/4 c hemp meal

1/2 c splenda

1 c full fat ricotta

Melt the chocolate with the cream in a hot water bath.

Blend all of the nuts and hemp together until creamy.

Incorporate the chocolate and splenda, keep on making creamy.

Add ricotta and keep blending/scraping/folding until nice and smooth.

Adjust splenda and cream or ricotta until desired taste.

Makes about a quart = 64 tbsp

chocolate: 280 cals, 30g fat, 18g carbs, 10g fiber, 8g protein

cream: 97 cals, 10g fat, 1g carb, 1g protein

peanut butter: 700 cals, 56g fat, 20g carbs, 8g fiber, 8g sugar, 36g protein

almond meal: 320 cals, 28g fat, 12g carbs, 6g fiber, 2g sugar, 12g protein

macadamia nuts: 948 cals, 100g fat, 18g carbs, 11g fiber, 5g sugar, 10g protein

hemp meal: 648 cals, 52g fat, 8g carb, 4g fiber, 40g protein

splenda: 48 cals, 12g carbs (estimated)

ricotta: 480 cals, 36g fat, 12g carb, 8g sugar, 28g protein.

Total: 3521 cals, 312g fat, 101g carb, 39g fiber, 23g sugar, 135g protein

TBSP: 55 cals, 5g fat, 1.5g carb, 0.6g fiber, 0.4g sugar, 2.1g protein

[recipe] SF Chocolate Avocado Paste Balls

Last month, when I was reading I breathe... I'm hungry, I ran into this very awkward yet interesting recipe. It takes your standard bourbon truffle and substitutes avocado to make it creamy. So I got three avocados and stuck them in my 5 dozen egg carton to ripen for a couple of weeks (still not enough -_-) and got to mixing everything (except the nuts) until creamy, then folding in the pecans.

2 ripe avocados

2 T coconut oil

1/2 C premium cocoa powder

1 T Splenda

2 T SF chocolate syrup

2 T heavy whipping cream

1/2 t vanilla extract

1/2 t almond extract

1/2 C chopped pecans

It is very important that the avocados really are as ripe as possible, without starting to rot. Judging by the ingredients she uses, I'm guessing the writer of the other blog lives in a warmer climate, prone to all the good produce I miss.

Unfortunately, mine still were a bit green, highly influencing the taste. I tried to counteract this by increasing the Splenda to 1 T and adding vanilla and almond extracts.

Another substitution, which I doubt worked, was SF chocolate syrup (Walmart brand Hershey's knockoff) instead of SF chocolate flavored syrup (Torani). I bought one that was caramel flavored last month that I really didn't like, so I didn't feel like filling my pantry with yet another subpar bottle just to use two tablespoons. This might not have been an ideal substitution, either, as it was quite bitter.

Next time, I want to try eliminating the syrup and adding some more cream, Splenda and extract to compensate. And riper avocados :/

Also, I went the lazy route and just left it in the mixer bowl to be eaten with a spoon ^_^

Makes 12 portions, each with:

111 cals, 10 g fat, 4.5 g carbs (3 g fiber), 1.5 g protein

[recipe] Black Bean Mocha Brownies

I tried out this recipe I found about a month ago on 101 Cookbooks. It has the benefit of being free of wheat, and most everybody liked them, but I think most people are addicted to coffee a lot more than I am.

4 ounces unsweetened chocolate (slab or powder)
1 cup unsalted butter
2 cups soft-cooked black beans, drained well (canned is fine)
1 cup walnuts, chopped
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
¼ cup (granulated) natural coffee substitute (or instant coffee, for gluten-sensitive)
¼ teaspoon sea salt
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4 large eggs
1½ cups light agave nectar (works just the same as honey)

Melt chocolate with the butter. Then blend the first list of ingredients in a food processor until smooth. Whip up the eggs with the nectar and incorporate half of the mixture into the bean batter.

Line a cookie sheet (with walls) with parchment paper and spread with the mixture. Pour the remaining egg and honey on top and run a toothpick through for a marbling effect. Bake at 325 for 30-45 minutes. Let cool and set before cutting.

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Now, like I said, everybody loved them, except for me and Dan. But neither of us really drink coffee. Next time, I plan on using only a bit of the instant coffee instead, since the chocolate is already bitter. I'm also going to try some other sweetener (probably plain light brown sugar), since the agave nectar was ridiculously sweet. There was a very odd dynamic between the bitter and the sweet, where they seemed to accentuate each other, instead of mellowing themselves out.

Also, they had a great consistency, though I wasn't completely sure they were cooked enough, and you really can't tell they are made of beans unless someone tells you.

[recipe] Bruschetta

This is what I'm having for breakfast today ^_^
Ok, nothing revolutionary, but damn is it good!

Previous day:
- four or five tomatoes on the vine
- a sprig of fresh basil
- balsamic vinegar
- olive oil
- salt, pepper and garlic to taste

Chop and mix, and let sit over night.

This morning:
- baguette, sliced on the diagonal
- Cabbots Seriously Sharp Vermont Cheddar, sliced

Place bread on tray and toast in oven at 400 for a few minutes. Meanwhile, slice the cheese, which is then placed on the toasted bread and stuck back in the oven to melt. When gooey, spoon tomato mixture on top. Nom. Try not to scrape your gumms on the toast, like the klutz I am.