Every Vigil Needs Eggs

And this time I think it was only 10 dozen? I learned that the easiest way to combat my ADD is to take pictures as I cook so I can go back and write up recipes, eventually.  So here are the eggs I pickled for Fede for four weeks.  Those with links were inspired by the previous vigil batch.

 

Soy, Beet, Curry, Honey, Beer, Franks, and Chili Garlic

 

For all of the recipes, put 13 hardboiled eggs into a quart sized mason jar, a couple of table spoons of seasonings, and ~ 1 cup of liquid which is half vinegar, half water (or juice or beer). Let sit for four weeks, flipping the jar upsidedown every few days and shaking so that the flavors don't settle.

1) Beer eggs

• Pumpkin Spice
• Everything Bagel Seasoning
• Evil Santa holiday Porter
• Apple Cider Vinegar
  

2) Roman Honey Anise eggs

• Honey
• Minced garlic
• Mustard seeds
• Anise
• ACV
• Water
  

3) Beet eggs

• Can of beets - mince solids, keep juice for water content
• Red pepper flakes
• Ground cinnamon
• Black pepper
• Salt
• ACV
• Water
  

4) Curry eggs

• Curry powder
• Minced garlic
• Mustard powder
• Ground ginger
• Tumeric
• ACV
• Water
  

 

5) Frank's eggs

• Frank's hotsauce
• Everything Bagel Seasoning
• ACV
• Water
   

6) Spicy Chili Crisp eggs

• Lao Gan Ma spicy chili crisp (measure with your heart (or whatever is left at the bottom of the jar))
• ACV
• Water

 

7) Soy eggs - these were only left for one week, since the salt brine likes to disintegrate the proteins in the egg

• Everything Bagel Seasoning
• Red pepper flakes
• Soy sauce
• ACV
• Sesame oil
  

Sesame seed and soy sauce eggs

• 2 dozen eggs, hard boiled and peeled
• 1/2 cup soy sauce
• 1/2 cup water
• 1 tablespoon ground ginger
• 1 tablespoon sesame seeds
• 1 tablespoon sesame oil
• 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• 1 cup apple cider vinegar

Boil soy sauce, water, and seasonings together.  

Add oil, vinegar, and eggs.  

Bring back up to a boil and split into two quart sized mason jars.

Refrigerate and let pickle for at least a week.

Honey and Anise pickled eggs

2 dozen eggs, hard boiled and peeled
1 teaspoon mustard seed
1 teaspoon anise seed
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1 cup water
1 cup vinegar
1/2 cup honey

Dissolve honey in water and add garlic and seeds, bring to a low boil for half an hour. Add vinegar and eggs and bring back up to temperature. Split into two quart jars and top off with more vinegar if needed.


Based on the article The Ancient History of Deviled Eggs: (emphasis mine)

According to Apicius, a collection of Roman recipes believed to have been compiled sometime between the fourth and fifth century A.D., boiled eggs were traditionally seasoned with oil, wine or broth and served with pepper and laser (which was also known as silphium, a plant driven to extinction by the first century A.D.). Another recipe called for poached eggs to be dressed with soaked pine nuts, lovage (an herb of the parsley family with an anise, celery flavor), pepper, honey, vinegar and broth.

Spicy MoFo Pickled Eggs

3 dozen eggs
4 Cups water
4 Cups distilled white vinegar
1 Tablespoon salt
1 Tablespoon Pickling Spices
1 Tablespoon red pepper flakes
1 Tablespoon dried minced garlic
2 Tablespoons brown mustard seed
1 teaspoon ground mustard
1 teaspoon ground turmeric
1/2 teaspoon hot hungarian paprika
1 Cup pickled jalapeño slices, with brine

Hard boil and peel the eggs (I can't recommend the Instant Pot enough!).  Place in giant glass pickling jar.

Combine all ingredients, bring to a boil, and pour over eggs.  Make sure all the solids make it in in case there is leftover liquid.

Cap, refrigerate, and let pickle for at least a week.

Beer Pickled Eggs

On the recommendation of the tea lady at the Hornwood archery event, I decided to make beer eggs. I started by hard boiling the eggs with an Instant Pot based on the recommendation of my friend Cassie.  They peeled like a dream!  Then I made pickling spice (because I was too lazy to go buy it) and followed this recipe for the actual pickling juice.  This is how I adjusted them for the jars I had that only fit 7 eggs each.  Since you aren't actually drinking the solution, the eggs should still be keto with minimal traces of carbs, but you might want to avoid if you are allergic to wheat.


INGREDIENTS

14 eggs, hard boiled and peeled

1.5 Cups white vinegar
8 oz Budweiser Reserve Copper Lager
1 tablespoon parsley flakes
1 tablespoon pickling spice

PICKLING SPICE

1 tablespoon brown mustard seed
1 teaspoon ground coriander
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1 bay leaf
1 mexican cinnamon stick
3 cloves (the ones you shove in oranges at christmas)
1 tbsp dried minced garlic (because I misread the clove part)
couple of shakes of nutmeg (instead of the allspice)

RECIPE

- Borrow gallon Instant Pot from friend.
- Fill with one layer of eggs (about 15) and 1 cup of water.  Close lid and vapor valve.
- Use EGG setting to hard boil eggs.  It  takes a couple of minutes to reach pressure, then it will count down 5 minutes. Once done, open valve to release steam.
- Place eggs in cold water in fridge to cool.

- Place all spices in grinder and turn into a powder. Place in air tight container. Can be stored for a month, but will lose potency with time.

- Combine vinegar, beer, parsley, and pickling spice in pot on stove and bring to a mild boil and remove from stove.

- Shell eggs, wonder how you have shelled 180 eggs this year without going to jail for murder, and divide into two jars.

- Pour liquid over eggs and try to distribute the solids evenly.

- Lid jars and place in fridge.

- Let pickle for minimum of three days.  If you go longer, flip the jars once a week so top and bottom eggs get better contact with liquid.

Red Beet Eggs, Kelda Edition

RECIPE

2 cans 15oz sliced beets, saving the juices

1/2 cup dried onion

1 tsp red pepper flakes
1 tsp ground black pepper
1 tsp whole cloves (about 30)
1 tsp salt
33 eggs
2-3 cups water
2 cups apple cider vinegar

• Boil and peel 3 dozen eggs. Donate three eggs to science!  Or have them explode in the pot, because one always commits sepuku.

• Combine the juice from the beets and all the spices and bring to a simmer.  Let sit until onions are reconstituted.

• Alternate layers of sliced beets, eggs, and onions in a gallon pickle jar, trying to get a decent distribution.

• Pour remaining onion mixture, water, and vinegar into jar.  Add some water if you need to reach the shoulder.  Flip lightly a few times to get the liquids mixed in.

• Place in a pot of water (on a stand so the jar doesn't touch the bottom) and heat up until egg mixture is almost boiling, with the lid OFF.  Once hot, remove from heat and replace the lid, let cool at room temperature.  This will help create a vacuum seal once it cools down, after which you can store in the pantry or fridge. 

SCHPIEL

What, the recipe at the beginning?  BURN THE WITCH!

Yeah, it pisses me off when I can't find how to make something until scrolling through seventy three pages of memories and pictures.  I can just add them at the end.

Like I recently posted, I've been getting back into the SCA quite a bit and will be feastocrating a vigil this Pennsic for my friend Kelda.  I saw her at Crown Tourney three weeks ago and was complaining that I had hardboiled 90 eggs and very few were eaten at the event because it was so freakishly hot for early May, so I was thinking about pickling them.  Luckily, she said she loves pickled eggs, so now I've made five dozen for her this week!  The last three dozen are in that beet jar, and the first couple went into Pickled Ramp juice that I got from Astrid at Aethelmeark War Practice a couple of weeks ago.  She said she mostly followed this recipe and they were beyond amazing!  Should do a good job with eggs, too.

After complaining to a coworker about peeling them, he suggested I steam the eggs (I normally bake them when in large quantities) and then tumble them in the bowl after they are cold to lightly "bruise the shells".  This apparently makes even the freshest eggs come off very easily.

Salmonella or botulism?

Hopefully neither.

Pennsic, once again, is on the horizon. Having recently bought a car, bought a house, and lost my job means this year will need to be extra cheap.  So I'm canning eggs.

I picked up a case of 7.5 dozen eggs from Sam's Club for $11, 18 pint jars from Ollies for $12, and a gallon of apple cider vinegar for $3. All of the spices and canned beets were already in my pantry, and the jars are reusable, so it's pretty much $15 for an epic amount of portable, shelf stable protein.

In my research, I found everything from canned eggs lasting years in the basement to OMG EVERYTHING WILL KILL YOU, so, whatevs.  I don't plan on them surviving more than a month, so I'm not terribly concerned about over sterilizing everything.

I found a life hack that you can bake eggs at 325F for 30 minutes instead of having to deal with bringing water to a boil and whatnot.  It mostly came out ok!

1. Preheat oven to 325F (or 350F if your oven isn't reliable) while you place eggs into cupcake tins so they don't roll around.  Cook for 30 minutes.

• Normal cupcakes are ok, but mini cupcakes will let you fit twice as many.  My new oven is huge, so I can fit two trays on each rack, for a total of 8 dozen eggs at once.
• Unfortunately, I only had three mini cupcake tins, so I tried using a regular cupcake tin with two eggs in each cup.  Some of these eggs came out with soft spots >.>
• The eggs that were fully cooked had small charred brown spots where they were touching the tins.  It is ok and doesn't affect the rest of the pickling.

2. Pull cooked eggs out of the oven and cool down.

• Placing them in ice water helps the flesh retract from the shell (and keeps you from burning your fingers).

3. Shell eggs and place five in each pint jar.

• Some websites made a huge deal about only using unblemished eggs because pitting and splits are focus points for bacterias THAT WILL KILL YOU.  I don't think I managed to get more than half of them unscathed. 

4. Add spices and vinegar to jars, making sure to cover the eggs completely (because vinegar is a magic barrier, apparently) while leaving enough space at the top of the jar to create a vacuum.  Put lids on jars, leaving the rings loose so air can escape.

5. Put jars in canning pot with enough water to reach the top of the jars and bring to a rolling boil, making sure the contents of the jars are also heating up.  According to the Kuntz Family, who's canning instructions I was following, you want to make sure the contents reach 200F and are kept there for 15 minutes.

6. Use the forceps to pull the jars out. Unscrew the rings to give the jars a final burp, then screw them on tight again. Beware of molten brine shooting out in every direction >.>

7. Let cool on the counter top and await eagerly to hear the lids pop!  Now that the eggs have been pasteurized and sealed in a harsh environment, they should be safe to eat for at least a year if kept in a cool and dark environment.

Now, remember when I said some eggs came out with a soft spot?  You can microwave the peeled egg for 30 seconds to heat it up, but it won't heat enough to cook.  You can heat it up another 15 seconds with no problem, but once it hits 16, there might be a slight boom that blows the microwave door open.  Just so, like, you know.

The fun part will come in two weeks when we eat all of them in camp.  I made four jars with beets and twelve with six different spice combinations.  I will do my best to do a write up of the critique and spice blends when I get back.

[recipe] Brownie Cheesecake Bites

Welp, I made four dozen of these, and they kind of disappeared in one night.  I'm glad I managed to remember to take a picture before we ate the last two!  I made them for Q's birthday and even the non-diety people enjoyed them.  It was such a blast to have Isilzha over and NanoNuki in town again.

BROWNIE BASE

1/2 cup Butter (one stick)

2 oz unsweetened baking chocolate

1 cup almond meal
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
pinch salt
3/4 cup Splenda
2 tbsp vanilla
2 large eggs
1/4 cup chopped nuts (optional)

Melt butter and chocolate in 30 second microwave bursts, or over a water bath.  Mix in all the powders and vanilla, then the eggs once the butter has cooled down enough to not cook them.  Spoon in to mini cupcake tins and flatten down to fill base.  Bake for 5 minutes at 325F.

CHEESECAKE FILLING

1 lb full fat cream cheese (two standard 8 oz boxes)

1/2 cup Splenda

1/4 cup heavy cream

1 tbsp vanilla

2 large eggs

1/4 cup cinnamon (optional)

Beat all together until fluffy and spoon into the prebaked brownie cups.  Bake for 15 minutes at 300F.  Stick in fridge to set, or as long as you can tolerate not burning yourself.

The original recipe from All Day I Dream About Food is written for a 9" buttered springform pan, but cupcakes are always more entertaining ^_^  My other big change was to add the cinnamon.  Of course, this is completely optional, but it made them divine.  And since there is never enough cinnamon for Dan, he made a fantastic sauce to bathe them in.

CINNAMON SAUCE

1/2 cup melted butter

1 tbsp cocoa powder

1 cup Splenda

1 cup cinnamon

Next time I really want to try and make this caramel sauce from Blondie's Paleo and Keto Journey.  I am such a sucker for caramel!

[recipe] SF Keto Flax Brownies

I've been playing around with this recipe for Miracle Brownies a few times to completely different results.  They are good, and pretty easy to make.

FIRST ITERATION

When reading the recipe, I realized it asked for three full cups of sweetener, one cup liquid, one stick butter, four eggs, and two cups flax meal.  I was horrified by this amount of sweetener, so I only used one cup of erythritol with some baking splenda mixed in.  Dan loved them, but I couldn't get past how sweet they still were, and the texture of the flax meal reminded me a lot of wheat bran or corn hulls.

SECOND ITERATION

Like most weekends, I woke up wanting to bake something at random, and Dan requested flax brownies again.  We were out or low in a few ingredients, so I substituted.  I only used 1/4 C erythritol total, used extra cocoa powder instead of baker's chocolate, and subbed the last half cup of flax meal with a mixture of hemp and coconut flour.  I frekin loved these!  They had the same texture as the carbomb cupcakes I'd made the week before for Isilza, though a bit dry.  I want to make them like this again but add more cream next time.  There was one tray of mini cupcakes (15 minutes) and one of big cupcakes (20 minutes).  Dan found them not sweet enough.

THIRD ITERATION

This morning followed the same procedure.  This time I had all the ingredients, but the stove was in the dishwasher, so I had to add the baker's chocolate shaved instead of melted.  I upped the sweetener to 1/4 C erythritol and 1/4 C baking splenda, which was a good level of sweet.  Again in one tray of minis and one tray of regular cupcakes, but something made them really fluff up!  Dan loved them and deemed them the best batch.  I didn't like them nearly as much as last month's because they had the hully texture again, but it got better after they cooled.  A lot more fluffy like cake than moist and chewy like a brownie.  There's a bit of tinny aftertaste from the sweetener.

MY IDEAL NEXT ITERATION

I want to keep the sweetener from batch 3, but the solids from batch 2.  Maybe do 1.5 parts cocoa powder and 0.5 parts baker's chocolate, and twice as much cream.

[recipe] All-of-the-dairy-in-the-house and Broccoli Soup

1/2 C Grated mozzarella

1/2 C Grated cheddar

1/2 C Grated parmesan

1/2 C Full fat ricotta

1/4 lb Cream Cheese

1/4 lb Butter (1 stick)

1/2 C Heavy cream

1 lt Chicken broth

1 lb Broccoli (frozen works)

1/2 C Bacon crumbles

Blend or process all the cheeses and butter until homogeneous.  Slowly incorporate the heavy cream and then some of the broth.  Transfer to a pot on medium heat and slowly add the rest of the broth until soupy and warm, making sure you stir it so that it doesn't separate.

If necessary, heat up the broccoli in a pan before adding to the soup, along with bacon.  Season to taste with garlic, onion, pepper or chilis.

A dollop of sour cream makes for an awesome garnish.

[recipe] Adventures in Cauliflower Baking

Man, this stuff is amazing!  Cauliflower is a wonderful filler and substitute for flour, potato, and even cream.  The first thing I ever did with cauliflower was to boil it in broth and blend it, making a perfect chicken "cream" soup (the same is good if you use stuff like carrots or zucchini instead).

Today I tried two new recipes:  "pizza" and "brownies".

The pizza was pretty simple.  First you need to "rice" a cup of cauliflower, which means you chop, grate or process the cauliflower into a mince, and stick it in a pan until it cooks through.  About ten minutes.  I did this along with a tbsp of minced garlic and a bit of italian seasonings.  Then you mix it with a cup of grated mozzarella cheese and and egg, spread it on a cookie sheet, and bake at 450F for 15 minutes.  A dry, orange sharp cheddar gives the crunchiest results.

The sauce was even simpler.  I took a small can of V8 and simmered it with some red pepper flakes and black pepper, and then incorporated twice as much grated cheese until well disolved.  Spread this on the crunchy crust, top as desired, and broil for a couple of minutes right under the heat source.

Eat your little heart out!

It really tastes like pizza.  The texture, though, is a bit off.  You don't have the bread or gluten to chew through, but it tastes so good that it doesn't really matter. 

As for the brownies, I love I Breathe... I'm Hungry.  In this installment, she blends a cup of cauliflower pure with a cup of almond flour (we halved it with blended pecans because we ran out), half a cup of coconut flour, half of cacao powder, a cup of almond milk, three eggs, two oz of cream cheese, a stick of butter, two squared of bakers chocolate, and a half tsp of baking powder (with splenda and extracts to taste).  Melt stuff, blend stuff, and mix stuff together, then stick in a 9x9 buttered pan and bake for 35 minutes at 375F.  We wedged some SF chocolate chips and SF peanut butter cups in between

The texture is a bit powderier than your average brownie, but they are still absolutely amazing!  Now, I skipped the syrup and used bakers chocolate instead of Lindt 90%, both of which are not sweetened.  Make sure you compensate the splenda as necessary.  Another cool thing would have been if I used chopped pecans instead of powdered, but I really like my nuts.

Now, these two recipes are probably keto, if not very close to it.  They might be a tad high on the net carbs, but you can always sub in a bit more protein where need be.

I need to stop devouring food before getting pictures of everything.

PS:  These Primal Chocolate Chip Cookies are DA BOMB!  I'm just too lazy to give them their own entry because they didn't even make it through the afternoon.  Almond meal, egg, shortening, baking soda, sweetener, vanilla and chips.

[recipe] Not-Enough-Meat Meatloaf Cupcakes

One might think that meat is a critical part of meatloaf.  One might also think you only need one pound of ground beef for a one pound loaf pan.  Welp, this one was wrong.

I was so excited today when I went to the butchers and got ALL OF THE MEATS, that I didn't notice that one pound of ground beef is only about the size of two small apples.  The pan is about four times that size...  Well, cupcakes are small!  I can use a cupcake pan and stop filling it when I run out of meat!

You can use a lot of things as fillers in meatloaf.  I almost ran out of cupcake pan.  This is what I added, approximately and in this order.

0)  Preheat oven at 400 F.

1)  Hard boil three eggs; peel and quarter.

2)  Fry up a sliced onion with red pepper flakes, a tbsp of minced garlic, Worcestershire, Maggie and soy sauces.

3)  Line cupcake tin with a slice of thick cut bacon in each cup; bake for 10 minutes or so. Crispier is better, but make sure they don't collapse in on themselves.

4)  Toss onions in mixer with the pound of meat (half chuck, half baconburger) and start mixing in crap, like 1/4 lb sliced onion cheese in pieces, 1/4c hemp seeds, 1/2c almond meal, 1/4c wheat bran, 1/4c flax seeds, and about a tbsp of sundried tomatoes in oil I had left.

5)  Once the meat is all mixed and seasonings are adjusted, pull the bacon cups out of the oven and place tray on a trivet.  Using two spoons, put about a tbsp of meat inside each bacon-wrapped cup, add 1/4 hard egg, and fill to the top with the rest of the meat.

6)  Bake for 25 minutes, or until desired cookedness.

7)  Let cool on trivet.

8)  Omnomnom!

They came out very nice and moist, but the texture was a bit creamier than your standard loaf.  Once they were baking, I thought of other things I could have added that I have used successfully in meatballs, like rice (quinoa would also work), chipotle, green olives, chicken shreds, cream cheese, cocktail onions, panko or toast crumbs...

Recipe roundup

Here are a few recipes I have tried recently that I haven't had time to fully fledge out in their own post.

Keto BS+ACVinegar "Cornbread"

This was so good!  It was a crumblier bread, and the almond meal gave it a texture I really liked.  But then again, I'm an extra chunky PB kind of girl.  At first, it had a very strong BS taste straight out of the oven (which didn't stop me from eating), which completely mellowed out after it sweat over night.  A bit of butter on it made it that much more amazing.  I also used my Kitchen Aid mixer instead of a food processor, which might have influenced the texture and lack of BS/V reaction.

Low Carb Creamcheese "Bread"

Another good try.  It took a good hour to bake, though.  The toothpick had come out clean, so I went to flip the pan and the top flopped out.  It had the consistency of a very nice custard, but not solid.  Once I got sick of waiting for it to harden up even more (1:15?), it was worth the wait.  Dan loved this one, but I preferred the "cornbread".  Next time, I'm going to try and blend it more so that the meal is finer.

Real Sugar Bacon Toffee

I'd made this recipe before (completely not keto!), but hadn't gotten it to completely caramelize and harden.  This time, I finally found a candy thermometer!  I mixed in a couple of red pepper flakes, poured into my gingerbread man silicone mold, and topped off with chocolate and almond slivers, in an English Toffee vain.  Many people loved the chocolate on it, but I preferred the pure toffee.  And the kick of the pepper flakes was really nice with the caramel and bacon.

Jello and Protein Powder "Cake"

Yeah, this wasn't all that good.  All you do is mix the protein powder, baking powder, cocoa powder and sweetener and cook in the microwave, then crumble it up and set with sf jello.  Dan absolutely hated it!  I was meh about it.  I still couldn't bring myself to stop eating it, though.  

I eventually want to find some kind of Keto Mug Brownie recipe, since my attempt last week with protein powder, almond meal and egg came out not too different to the jello cake.

Here are some more recipes I'll hopefully try out soon:

LC GF PB and Bacon Bars

LC Cranberry Walnut Cookies

LC Butter Cookies

LC Almond Pancakes
Pumpkin Protein Pancakes

Bacon Caramels (for people that can eat sugar)

[recipe] ALL Of The Awesome SF/keto Nutella-ish Spread

This is calorically dense, and absolutely fantastic! I started wanting to make Nutella, and then went off the deep end. Perfect to have ready for when you get home from the gym and are about to keel over. Should keep you in ketosis, even if you do eat a whole bunch, since it is significantly high in fat.

2 oz bakers chocolate

1 oz heavy cream

1/4 c all natural peanut butter

1/2 c almond meal

1 c macadamia nuts

1/4 c hemp meal

1/2 c splenda

1 c full fat ricotta

Melt the chocolate with the cream in a hot water bath.

Blend all of the nuts and hemp together until creamy.

Incorporate the chocolate and splenda, keep on making creamy.

Add ricotta and keep blending/scraping/folding until nice and smooth.

Adjust splenda and cream or ricotta until desired taste.

Makes about a quart = 64 tbsp

chocolate: 280 cals, 30g fat, 18g carbs, 10g fiber, 8g protein

cream: 97 cals, 10g fat, 1g carb, 1g protein

peanut butter: 700 cals, 56g fat, 20g carbs, 8g fiber, 8g sugar, 36g protein

almond meal: 320 cals, 28g fat, 12g carbs, 6g fiber, 2g sugar, 12g protein

macadamia nuts: 948 cals, 100g fat, 18g carbs, 11g fiber, 5g sugar, 10g protein

hemp meal: 648 cals, 52g fat, 8g carb, 4g fiber, 40g protein

splenda: 48 cals, 12g carbs (estimated)

ricotta: 480 cals, 36g fat, 12g carb, 8g sugar, 28g protein.

Total: 3521 cals, 312g fat, 101g carb, 39g fiber, 23g sugar, 135g protein

TBSP: 55 cals, 5g fat, 1.5g carb, 0.6g fiber, 0.4g sugar, 2.1g protein

[recipe] SF Chocolate Avocado Paste Balls

Last month, when I was reading I breathe... I'm hungry, I ran into this very awkward yet interesting recipe. It takes your standard bourbon truffle and substitutes avocado to make it creamy. So I got three avocados and stuck them in my 5 dozen egg carton to ripen for a couple of weeks (still not enough -_-) and got to mixing everything (except the nuts) until creamy, then folding in the pecans.

2 ripe avocados

2 T coconut oil

1/2 C premium cocoa powder

1 T Splenda

2 T SF chocolate syrup

2 T heavy whipping cream

1/2 t vanilla extract

1/2 t almond extract

1/2 C chopped pecans

It is very important that the avocados really are as ripe as possible, without starting to rot. Judging by the ingredients she uses, I'm guessing the writer of the other blog lives in a warmer climate, prone to all the good produce I miss.

Unfortunately, mine still were a bit green, highly influencing the taste. I tried to counteract this by increasing the Splenda to 1 T and adding vanilla and almond extracts.

Another substitution, which I doubt worked, was SF chocolate syrup (Walmart brand Hershey's knockoff) instead of SF chocolate flavored syrup (Torani). I bought one that was caramel flavored last month that I really didn't like, so I didn't feel like filling my pantry with yet another subpar bottle just to use two tablespoons. This might not have been an ideal substitution, either, as it was quite bitter.

Next time, I want to try eliminating the syrup and adding some more cream, Splenda and extract to compensate. And riper avocados :/

Also, I went the lazy route and just left it in the mixer bowl to be eaten with a spoon ^_^

Makes 12 portions, each with:

111 cals, 10 g fat, 4.5 g carbs (3 g fiber), 1.5 g protein

[recipe] Low-carb Chocolate Crepe Cake

This is the second recipe I take from I Breathe... I'm Hungry, originally intended as a low carb red velvet cake. Yes, presentation is nice and all, but sometimes you just want to eat your damned cake! So instead of assembling the layers, we just plated them with a dollop of the cream and devoured.

CREPES

6 oz cream cheese (1/3 less fat)

5 eggs

1/4 cup Sugar Free Hershey's Chocolate Syrup

2 TBSP cocoa powder

1 tsp Splenda

1/2 tsp red food coloring (not used)

Blend well and pour onto a parchment lined cookie sheet. Bake at 350F for 15 minutes or until dry. Let cool.

CREAM

2 oz cream cheese

10 oz heavy cream

2 tsp vanilla

1 TBSP Splenda

Whip 8 oz of the heavy cream until stiff peaks form, incorporating the splenda and vanilla. In a separate bowl, combine the cream cheese and remaining cream until smooth, and fold into whipped cream.

Once the crepes are baked, cut into 12 squares (or use a large cup and cut out circles). If you plan on making a cake, alternate crepes with about a TBSP of the cream and make all pretty. If you need your chocolate fix before you stab someone, place a square on your plate with a dollop of cream and eat!

NUTRITIONAL INFO:

Cream Cheese: 560 cals, 16g carb, 48g fat, 16g protein, 16g sugar

Eggs: 350 cals, 25g fat, 30g protein

Hershey's Syrup: 30 cals, 10g carb

Cocoa powder: 25 cals, 6g carb, 1g fat, 2g protein

Cream: 1000 cals, 100g fat

Total Calories: 1965 (328 each)

Carbs: 32g (5g)

Fat: 174g (29g)

Protein: 48g (8g)

Sugar: 16g (3g)

When presenting in not-cake form, it is much easier to cut out a whole bunch of the cream.

CREPES ONLY

Calories: 825 (138)

Carbs: 28g (5g)

Fat: 57g (10g)

Protein: 44g (7g)

Sugar: 12g (2g)

[recipe] Very low carb Buffalo Balls

Meat is good! Spicy meat is better! Spicy meat in convenient balls is best!

I found a wonderful blog called I Breathe... I'm Hungry with several good keto recipes, one of them for Buffalo Balls. This is a very simple concept: you make turkey meatballs and cover them in buffalo sauce, and they are awesome! Her sauce is just butter and Frank's, so of course Dan had to improve on it.

MEATBALLS

1 lb ground turkey

2 oz cream cheese, softened (1/3 less fat)

2 eggs

2 TBSP finely minced celery

3 TBSP crumbled cheese (blue is requested, but I used parmesan)

1/2 tsp black pepper

Mix together, ball up, and bake at 350 F for 10 minutes (15 if you are paranoid with poultry like me). Makes two dozen.

SAUCE

3 oz super sharp cheddar, finely sliced

6 oz cream cheese

1 TBSP butter

3 TBSP minced garlic

1/4 cup Frank's Red Hot

Dip balls or spoon sauce on top, and bake for another 10 minutes.

If you are using the original Frank's + butter sauce, she recommends dipping the balls and letting the sauce caramelize on top. But since this version has so much cheese, it was more like a nice and thick frosting.

NUTRITIONAL INFO

Turkey: 776 cal, 43g fat, 90g protein

Cream Cheese: 448 cal, 32g fat, 16g sugar, 16g protein

Cheddar: 339 cal, 27g fat, 21g protein

Parmesan: 66 cal, 3g fat, 6g protein

Eggs: 140 cal, 10g fat, 2g sugar, 12g protein

Butter: 100 cal, 11g fat

Garlic: 40 cal, 9g carb, 0g sugar, 3g protein

Frank's: salt!

Total: 1909 calories (80 each ball)

126 g fat (5.25 g each)

148 g protein (6.17 g each)

21 g absorbable carbs (0.875 g each)

I probably shouldn't have eaten eight in one breath.