Summer's End and Shoot in the Wildwood/Seven Pearls

The past two weekends have been quite eventful. At Summer's End I was able to help out with my friend Abigail's (Gail Kellogg) vigil, guarding the food from cross-contamination.  I made a fantastic marzipan with her recipe:

• 2 cups almond flour 
• 1 cup granulated sugar 
• 1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons water 
• 1 egg white, lightly beaten (frothy) 
• 1/2 teaspoon orange blossom or rose water 
• Confectioner’s sugar, as needed (about 1.5 cups) 

Bring the sugar & water to a rolling boil, add the almond flour, stirring quickly on low heat, turn egg whites into the pan while hot. Keep stirring 1-2 minutes, add rose water (or other flavoring), stir to combine and turn hot marzipan out onto sugar dusted surface. Knead with a spatula to start, then your hands, adding more confectioner's sugar as necessary until smooth like play dough. Shape by hand or cut into cubes. It will keep in the fridge 2 weeks.

On top of this, I retained a few shifts, I got Peer pressured into soliciting a Pelican (I was going to do it at dinner, anyway), and I helped serve feast.  For as much as I love cooking and eating, serving is by far my favorite role at feast, since it lets me bounce from table to table and socialize with everybody.  And get them drunk.

This past weekend at Seven Pearls/Wildwood I also had a blast retaining and serving feast.  The kitchen left some amenities to be desired, which made the feast appearing to go off without a hitch even more impressive! 

Sunday was a fantastic experience.  I was allowed to attach myself to a team from the Hael for Cast Iron Chef and loved the challenge.  We were given three and a half hours to cook a five course feast for 6-8 judges.  Our great archer Simmonetta got us a 6" cube of venison roast and two 1" thick boneless porkchops. Dagonall the Fool, the team leader, got us the rest of the ingredients from the pantry at the beginning of the challenge.  After that, I spent three hours buried in a 10x15 foot fire pit running a three ring stove.

1) Ricotta with honey, lavender, and fresh figs.

• Mix together, serve with flatbread.

2) Breaded pork chops with chopped apples, onion, and celery.

• Bread the chops and sear with vegetable oil on a hot pan.
• Mix chopped plants and steam as long as possible to achieve an "apple sauce" substitute.

3) Venison stew with pears and root vegetables

• Sear roast, stick with garlic slivers.
• Stew with chopped pears and multicolored carrots.
• Add 2 long pepper cones, 6 cubeb beads, and salt as needed.

4) Armored turnips

• Slice and steam one large turnip as long as possible to get soft.
• Incorporate 4 oz cheddar, garnish with another 4 oz.

5) Indian rice pudding

• Boil 1lb of rice until cooked.
• Add 1 qt butter milk, 2c sugar, 1tbsp lavender, 1 tbsp cinnamon, and clove.

The competition was well fought!  We scored 42/60 points, with first and second place getting 43.6 and 43.  One of the other two tables got a score in the 20s and I don't remember the fifth table, but I'm very happy with how competitive it was.  Everything I tasted was delicious!

Later in court, Barron Ixac of Delftwood designated our venison as the Barron's Choice.  This made me very happy because a) he "doesn't eat red meat" and it still won him over, and 2) I've never cooked venison and I didn't fuck it up!

The last great thing to happen to me was that Elska gave me her Bead Of Inspiration.  I have thoroughly enjoyed this past half year in the SCA and I really hope I can keep going with the same strength once the semester kicks in.

Oh, and I got a proto-ge friendship bracelet that I singed in the fire >.> At least it was cotton?

[recipe] Not-Enough-Meat Meatloaf Cupcakes

One might think that meat is a critical part of meatloaf.  One might also think you only need one pound of ground beef for a one pound loaf pan.  Welp, this one was wrong.

I was so excited today when I went to the butchers and got ALL OF THE MEATS, that I didn't notice that one pound of ground beef is only about the size of two small apples.  The pan is about four times that size...  Well, cupcakes are small!  I can use a cupcake pan and stop filling it when I run out of meat!

You can use a lot of things as fillers in meatloaf.  I almost ran out of cupcake pan.  This is what I added, approximately and in this order.

0)  Preheat oven at 400 F.

1)  Hard boil three eggs; peel and quarter.

2)  Fry up a sliced onion with red pepper flakes, a tbsp of minced garlic, Worcestershire, Maggie and soy sauces.

3)  Line cupcake tin with a slice of thick cut bacon in each cup; bake for 10 minutes or so. Crispier is better, but make sure they don't collapse in on themselves.

4)  Toss onions in mixer with the pound of meat (half chuck, half baconburger) and start mixing in crap, like 1/4 lb sliced onion cheese in pieces, 1/4c hemp seeds, 1/2c almond meal, 1/4c wheat bran, 1/4c flax seeds, and about a tbsp of sundried tomatoes in oil I had left.

5)  Once the meat is all mixed and seasonings are adjusted, pull the bacon cups out of the oven and place tray on a trivet.  Using two spoons, put about a tbsp of meat inside each bacon-wrapped cup, add 1/4 hard egg, and fill to the top with the rest of the meat.

6)  Bake for 25 minutes, or until desired cookedness.

7)  Let cool on trivet.

8)  Omnomnom!

They came out very nice and moist, but the texture was a bit creamier than your standard loaf.  Once they were baking, I thought of other things I could have added that I have used successfully in meatballs, like rice (quinoa would also work), chipotle, green olives, chicken shreds, cream cheese, cocktail onions, panko or toast crumbs...

Recipe roundup

Here are a few recipes I have tried recently that I haven't had time to fully fledge out in their own post.

Keto BS+ACVinegar "Cornbread"

This was so good!  It was a crumblier bread, and the almond meal gave it a texture I really liked.  But then again, I'm an extra chunky PB kind of girl.  At first, it had a very strong BS taste straight out of the oven (which didn't stop me from eating), which completely mellowed out after it sweat over night.  A bit of butter on it made it that much more amazing.  I also used my Kitchen Aid mixer instead of a food processor, which might have influenced the texture and lack of BS/V reaction.

Low Carb Creamcheese "Bread"

Another good try.  It took a good hour to bake, though.  The toothpick had come out clean, so I went to flip the pan and the top flopped out.  It had the consistency of a very nice custard, but not solid.  Once I got sick of waiting for it to harden up even more (1:15?), it was worth the wait.  Dan loved this one, but I preferred the "cornbread".  Next time, I'm going to try and blend it more so that the meal is finer.

Real Sugar Bacon Toffee

I'd made this recipe before (completely not keto!), but hadn't gotten it to completely caramelize and harden.  This time, I finally found a candy thermometer!  I mixed in a couple of red pepper flakes, poured into my gingerbread man silicone mold, and topped off with chocolate and almond slivers, in an English Toffee vain.  Many people loved the chocolate on it, but I preferred the pure toffee.  And the kick of the pepper flakes was really nice with the caramel and bacon.

Jello and Protein Powder "Cake"

Yeah, this wasn't all that good.  All you do is mix the protein powder, baking powder, cocoa powder and sweetener and cook in the microwave, then crumble it up and set with sf jello.  Dan absolutely hated it!  I was meh about it.  I still couldn't bring myself to stop eating it, though.  

I eventually want to find some kind of Keto Mug Brownie recipe, since my attempt last week with protein powder, almond meal and egg came out not too different to the jello cake.

Here are some more recipes I'll hopefully try out soon:

LC GF PB and Bacon Bars

LC Cranberry Walnut Cookies

LC Butter Cookies

LC Almond Pancakes
Pumpkin Protein Pancakes

Bacon Caramels (for people that can eat sugar)

[recipe] Very low carb Buffalo Balls

Meat is good! Spicy meat is better! Spicy meat in convenient balls is best!

I found a wonderful blog called I Breathe... I'm Hungry with several good keto recipes, one of them for Buffalo Balls. This is a very simple concept: you make turkey meatballs and cover them in buffalo sauce, and they are awesome! Her sauce is just butter and Frank's, so of course Dan had to improve on it.

MEATBALLS

1 lb ground turkey

2 oz cream cheese, softened (1/3 less fat)

2 eggs

2 TBSP finely minced celery

3 TBSP crumbled cheese (blue is requested, but I used parmesan)

1/2 tsp black pepper

Mix together, ball up, and bake at 350 F for 10 minutes (15 if you are paranoid with poultry like me). Makes two dozen.

SAUCE

3 oz super sharp cheddar, finely sliced

6 oz cream cheese

1 TBSP butter

3 TBSP minced garlic

1/4 cup Frank's Red Hot

Dip balls or spoon sauce on top, and bake for another 10 minutes.

If you are using the original Frank's + butter sauce, she recommends dipping the balls and letting the sauce caramelize on top. But since this version has so much cheese, it was more like a nice and thick frosting.

NUTRITIONAL INFO

Turkey: 776 cal, 43g fat, 90g protein

Cream Cheese: 448 cal, 32g fat, 16g sugar, 16g protein

Cheddar: 339 cal, 27g fat, 21g protein

Parmesan: 66 cal, 3g fat, 6g protein

Eggs: 140 cal, 10g fat, 2g sugar, 12g protein

Butter: 100 cal, 11g fat

Garlic: 40 cal, 9g carb, 0g sugar, 3g protein

Frank's: salt!

Total: 1909 calories (80 each ball)

126 g fat (5.25 g each)

148 g protein (6.17 g each)

21 g absorbable carbs (0.875 g each)

I probably shouldn't have eaten eight in one breath.

[recipe] Teriyaki Turkey Triangles

I got home the other day from the gym, to a very boring and very bland pack of ground turkey in the fridge. I asked Dan to mix up some teriyaki while I showered, and he found a great recipe in one of my books! Of course, we completely improvised from there, but here's the gist:

Sauce:
soy sauce, ginger powder, minced garlic, red pepper flakes, brown sugar, probably something I didn't notice.

Cook up the ground turkey for about 4 minutes, stir in the sauce, simmer and hope it thickens a bit.

Meanwhile, pull out a roll of filo dough that has been in the freezer for about a year a nobody knows how it got there, and let it thaw. Since you are going to be impatient and unroll it while it is still frozen, anyway, break it off at the half wrap (ideally at around 2" wide).

Place individual strips of dough on a cutting mat, oint with melted butter (or butter spray) and layer three high. Place a very small amount of meat at the end of one of the stacks and fold the corner over repeatedly until you have a small pastry triangle.

Place on cookie sheet with parchment paper, with the dough flap on the bottom and repeat until you've used up all the meat or dough, or are fed up with the process. Oint with leftover butter and sprinkle on sesame seeds. Bake for 15 minutes, or until golden brown.

WAIT FOR THEM TO COOL. Nom. These were adorable, and would definitely be well suited as easy to make hors d'œuvres. Filling can be substituted for anything, really, since there is little flavor to the filo dough. I really want to try a broccoli version one day.

It's raining meat, hallelujah!

So my roommate and I decided to make biltong yesterday. So far, we marinated the meat all night in vinegar, worchestershire sauce, soy sauce and herbs, then laid them on cookie racks all day in the fridge, and came home to dredge them in brown sugar, garlic and pepper, before hanging them up to dry. My craft room, a.k.a. the basement, now has a curtain of meat! If this produces a good jerky, I will post the recipe. For now, I leave you with meat!!! Can you tell I'm excited?

Pozole!

Pozole is a traditional Mexican soup, commonly consisting of a pig-head and dried red pepper stock. It stains like a mofo, but is ever so good!

***WARNING***

At the bottom of this post I will be including pictures of the pig head. And my crazy friends posing with it.


The recipe itself was quite simple. You simmer 20 chiles for a while, blend them up, and pour into a 5 gal stock pot with a couple of onions and garlic and herbs, and a 15 lb head. Simmer for several hours, remove meat from head, remove fat from meat, and serve meat and stock with hominy, radish slices, minced onion and tostadas.

As with many great soups, it tasted decent on Saturday, but I can't wait for it to sit a couple of days and let the flavor mature!

Now for the adventure. There is always an adventure when I cook.

After a couple of hours of cleaning off the meat, we were finally ready to serve ourselves and eat, when my roommate dropped the can of hominy into a gallon sized bowl of the bright red soup. Did I mention it had 20 dried red peppers blended into it? Does anybody have any clue how potently peppers can dye things? Do you know how much fat is in a pig's head? Yeah, all over the kitchen. And my friend Cassie. It was like Carrie's prom scene. And judging by the look on Cassie's face, we were thisclose to being incinerated. Luckily I managed to clean it off with Dawn soap while she showered. And even though we put a lot of effort into cleaning the kitchen, it is still greasy. That's going to be our project tonight after work >.<
Wilbur.


The perk of working in a chem lab is that I have gloves for devaining the peppers!


After a few hours simmering with the peppers. I think his ear was getting chapped.


Wrestling the head out of the pot was such an ordeal! Bastard was slippery like a wet pig!


Getting down and dirty taking off the meat.


After fondling a pig head for an hour, it kind of loses its mystery, and turns into a fun prop!


Because we needed to take a break from playing D&D.


The first time I have ever been thankful for synthetic fabric!


The next day, all the gelatin in the soup made it very jiggly ^_^

[recipe] Fakesgiving the Third Turkey

Last sunday was our annual Fakesgiving dinner, where we invite the kids over to the house and force feed them before they are kicked out of the dorms. This year was quite an impressive feat, in which I cooked a 23 lb turkey (to perfection, IMO) that got devoured!

This recipe takes the guidelines from Martha Stewart's Turkey 101 and some ideas I found in a Jamie Oliver cookbook.

Ingredients:
23 lb turkey
1 bottle white wine (dry and un/lightly oaked like a chardonet)
1 lb apples
1 lb onions
1 lb bacon
2 heads good garlic, or 6 from the supermarket
1 stick salted butter
Rosemary sprigs for stabbing
Thyme, rosemary salt and pepper to taste

Accoutrements:
Big ass roasting pan, with rack
Meat thermometer
Turkey button (just in case)
Basting brush or, well, a turkey baster
Wood toothpicks
Cooking twine, or enough completely natural fiber string/yarn to tie legs together (you can test if it burns in the oven before cooking)

Prep time: 1 hr
Cooking time: 6.5 hrs

Prep:
1) Quarter all apples but one and all of the onions and let marinate in the wine with 2/3 of the garlic over night.
2) Take giblets out of the thawed turkey and rinse out the cavity.
3) Mince 1/3 of your garlic and mix with butter, herbs, salt and pepper.
4) Chop up half of the packet of bacon.
5) Carefully separate the skin off of the breast, leaving it intact. Tack down the neck flap and fill in the skin/breast pocket with the butter mixture and bacon pieces.
6) Make 12 rolls out of a couple of inches of rosemary staking a chunk of garlic and wrapping it in a two inch piece of bacon.
7) Fill the cavity with the apple, onion and the rest of the garlic pieces, and save the wine for basting. Use leftover apple to plug cavity and tie the legs around it.
8) Puncture each thigh 6 times with a sharp knife and stick a rosemary roll in each.
9) Tent with a sheet of aluminium.

The turkey is now ready to go into the oven, at 325 F. You will need to pull it out every 30 minutes to baste with the wine.

10) Around the middle of your cooking time, or when skin starts to get crispy, cover breast with a layer of the remaining bacon.


Use the weight of the stuffed turkey to calculate the cooking time (about 20 minutes per 500g/1lb 2oz). This 25 lb monstrosity took about 6.5 hrs. Turkey is ready when button pops, or when you stick the instant read thermometer in the meatiest part of the turkey it reads 180.

In the meantime, use the giblets and neck to make gravy. You can boil them in some stock for the whole time the turkey is roasting. Season towards the end, and use flour or corn starch to thicken. These should both be incorporated by mixing in a separate bowl with not-boiling liquid to avoid clumps, and then adding little by little to the sauce pan.